I can’t do it all, and that’s OK. I can’t be everywhere, and that’s OK. For the past week, I have had to tell myself this over and over. Sickness has taken over my house. It has robbed me of routine, of sleep, of personal space, of quiet mornings, of writing, of church, of life outside my walls, and of fun events. I loathe sickness. It is strange how fast the liveliness of a household becomes quenched by constant crying and whining. It is amazing how inadequate one lap is for 5 sick kids. And it is amazing how it happens in the busiest of times.
But it is more amazing how God’s strength can carry us through with such grace when we stop leaning on our own strength.
Last week was a week of living hour by hour. Grasping for patience and joy most times. There was so much on my list, yet no empty hands to do any of it. I felt like I was letting so many people down, and that I wasn’t giving my kids what they needed because all I could give them was movies so that they would rest. I felt like I wasn’t being productive and my life felt so small.
I told God, “I just can’t do it all. I can’t fill all of these constant needs, and finish the projects I need to have ready. I can’t wake up early to write when I have no mental space left. I just can’t do it.” In my tired meltdown, He gently spoke to me. “Daughter, all I ask is that you follow me, I don’t ask for you to do it all. You can’t. You aren’t supposed to. All I ask is that you seek me. When you seek me, I will add everything that you need.” (Matthew 6:33)
He was telling me to walk with Him. Not just live hour by hour, but walk with Him hour by hour so that I may find my joy in Him, and not in what wasn’t getting done. My joy is to be only in the Lord, not in my circumstances (1 Thessalonians 2:20). As I took a deep breath to walk in obedience, I suddenly found myself capable. Not capable to do it all, but capable to do what I was being called to do. So, hour by hour I walked with Him. I wasn’t singing songs and skipping happily around, but His peace gave my spirit the joy to endure. I had to constantly remind myself that obedience and seeking Him does not always result in healing or quiet “me” time. But obedience does result in His will being done and my soul being refreshed in the midst of chaos. I found myself being carried, instead of trying to stomp through quicksand.
And all was added.
Everything that really needed to get done, got done… and all the extras that I add to my life had to be put aside. There is no rest in adding outside of God’s will. Even the things He has called us to do weeks before, need to be put aside when He calls us to put them aside. Our steps are to be established only by Him and for Him, so that we may have eyes to see that He is carrying us in the midst of our struggles. He is always with us, waiting to carry us. We just have to stop and realize that we aren’t called to do it all. We are called for more than that. We are called to walk His will for our lives and to be a light, even when confined to the walls of our homes.
“And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that having all sufficiency in all things at all times, you may abound in every good work.” (2 Corinthians 9:8)